My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
