I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
