I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
