You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do herpes really smell.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
