Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
