You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
