I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
