Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
