Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
