put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
