I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
