My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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