I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
