I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
