My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
