apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
