going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
