even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
