so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
