Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
