I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
