Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
