OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
