As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
