When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
