I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
