She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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