Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
