You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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