For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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