I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
