You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
