Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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