Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
