I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
