can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
