We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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