No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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