The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
