I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
