I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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