dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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