The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's paint friendship bongs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
