Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She even gives head with a lisp.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
