it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
