Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
