If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
