Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
