some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
