Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
