i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
