My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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