Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
