He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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