I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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