dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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