We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish you could order shots online.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
