shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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