Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
from now on my penis is your penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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