i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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