We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Panties = found
Randomize
