the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
